Wednesday, June 15, 2005

and i'm not even catholic...

One of the main things I seem to “suffer from” is guilt. I can’t seem to get over the guilt. I can actually put myself into a physically uncomfortable state by thinking about something that I still feel guilty about. And these aren’t things like “I killed someone” or “I ruined someone’s life”. They are mostly stupid little things that I’ve said or done or not done. I think these things actually have an effect on my self-esteem.

I need to learn how to let go! There is no reason to still feel guilty about something I did in high school. I shouldn’t be feeling guilty about not helping that lady at the grocery store who couldn’t reach the top shelf. There’s a double kicker to that one: 1-it happened more than 10 years ago 2-I’m not sure I would have been tall enough either. But I still have this image in my head of her struggling. And she was old and kind of dirty looking…the kind of person a lot of people would rather walk right by and pretend that they don’t see. Oh wait, a triple kicker- she ended up getting the “stock-boy” to do it for her, so it’s not like she didn’t get the item she was reaching for (some weird flavour of Old Dutch chips in a box).

The latest one is one that I think I’m ok with feel guilty about today, but if I still feel guilty next week, I won’t be ok with it. I was told about a falling out that two people had. Both are known for being somewhat stubborn. One party is male, the other is female. The male involved is someone that I don’t necessarily have the highest opinion of (that being said, I should probably give him more of a chance. But at the same time, I know several people who hold him in similar regard). So I commented “well, you know he wouldn’t back down to a woman”. Maybe it’s true, maybe it’s not. But I feel quite bad about it because the person who was telling the story is a friend of this guy. Sure, I think he’s a jerk, but do I have to say negative things about him? Haven’t we always been told that if we don’t have anything nice to say, perhaps we shouldn’t say anything at all?

Maybe my issue isn’t guilt but rather a problem with thinking before I speak…

2 comments:

thephoenixnyc said...

If you have one foot in yesterday and one foot in tomorrow you are pissing on today.

Evey said...

I am constantly putting my foot in my mouth. What can you do though really, just smile and nod I suppose!